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<3<3<3


That night, he tried to stay in and start on his novel, but the place in the story was too happy, the themes too raw to touch on, and so he made his way out of the flat, ignoring Will's raised eyebrow. But as he waited in the loo stall of Camelot's, the handkerchief man never came. Something twisted inside of Merlin, and it was ugly and resentful but freeing.

He spent a couple of hours meditating, getting a level feel for his magic and noting how listless it felt--as if it had lost its purpose. A voice inside his head that sounded suspiciously like Kilgharrah wondered if maybe part of his magic had suffered with Arthur's abrupt departure from Merlin's life. His magic always seemed to hum when Arthur was around. And it was hard for Merlin to ignore how good he felt when Arthur was near him, as if his magic was just on the surface and felt everything that was happening with Merlin. Merlin had felt closer to the earth when he spent time with Arthur, and that was just a coincidence.

It had nothing to do with destiny.

"Destiny can blow me," Merlin said when his magic felt heavy on his mind and he broke the connection, realizing that the handkerchief man wasn't coming when he was being called. The thought was both comforting and unsettling.

He made his way out of the club, nodding to Lance, who looked tired but happy. Merlin thought of Gwen's smiling face. She deserved a fairy tale ending more than anyone. More than Merlin, that was for sure. And if one of them got to be happy, if there could only be one, then Merlin was glad it was her. As long as she didn't mind him getting rip-roaring drunk at her reception and sleeping with one of Lance's brothers.

Lance waved back, holding up a shot glass in invitation.

Merlin paused for two seconds before moving towards him and taking the offered shot. He spent the night dancing, glitter falling on his eyelashes and hips swiveling in the hot air of the club with every other romantic, praying for romance to find him. It was a return to self maybe; at least it felt like one as he let alcohol burn his throat and loosen his hips until he danced the night away, too distracted by his own emotional rebirth to worry about the people around him.

He danced straight on until closing, then let Lance take him home and spill him into bed.

<3<3<3


It was surprisingly easy to avoid Arthur. Since Arthur was constantly busy doing something important, he had less time to annoy Merlin with voicemails and rarely had time to stop by Merlin's apartment, because even if Arthur was cruel in his pursuit, he wasn't cruel enough to sick the paps on Merlin. And because Arthur was constantly being followed by one form of the paparazzi or another, he couldn't run the risk of one of them following him to Merlin's apartment. But Arthur did enough damage with his voicemails and messages relayed through Morgana.

But life moved on, and as the country prepared for another UN summit, Merlin got less phone calls from Arthur himself and more from Gaius, whose voice was gruff and sarcastic. But the messages made Merlin laugh:

"Mr. Emrys, this is the twelfth message I have left with your voicemail in the past two weeks. This may surprise you, but I do not enjoy calling you nor do I enjoy conversing with your voicemail or that horrid flatmate of yours. Please call the prince back because he's driving me insane."

Each message was much more relaxed, and Merlin was getting used to Gaius' dry humor and deep voice. Gwen said it was unhealthy to enjoy torturous voicemails from past loves, even the past loves that were too busy to leave messages themselves and had their personal aides do it for them. Will insisted that Arthur was mentally deficient if he still thought Merlin wasn't going to turn him into a toad if he came around. Merlin just took deep breaths and tried not to fall farther into love with Arthur than he already was, because even if Arthur had gutted him, Merlin wanted to believe that Arthur had never chased after twinks in the past only to hush them with money. But then again, maybe Arthur was just trying to get a hold of him to make sure Merlin didn't talk.

Merlin cringed when he listened to the messages, waiting for Gaius to offer him money and wondering how many pounds it would take for Merlin to stop thinking about Arthur and his disarming smile.

"Want to go out?"

Merlin lifted his head from where he was annotating Dancer from the Dance. Will was leaning against the kitchen door jam, hip cocked and holding a liter of the cheapest whiskey Merlin had ever seen.

"We don't have to drink shit whiskey anymore," Merlin said, ignoring Will's question. "I've got a book advance."

"Yeah, but the book was so bloody depressing that I'm afraid if I drink with its money, I might off myself."

"Suicide is not funny, Will."

Will shrugged. "Let's go out."

Merlin lay back down and stared at the ceiling. He hadn't gone out since the night the handkerchief man hadn't shown up at Camelot. That was almost a month ago. It had been one hell of a month, between Arthur's phone calls and Morgana getting the book signed on with several large bookstores with the possibility of a contract for his novel and his poetry collection if they could market the short story collection first. In between it all, Merlin was trying to focus his magic more, and Will was annoying as ever. But it was productive, and his writing groove had come back, without the handkerchief man's help, because it always did come back. It was the life of a writer, and no matter how many writing ruts Merlin went through, he always forgot when the writing came back naturally. So every time he got blocked, he panicked until nothing else worked but a forceful method because he never remembered the slow return of natural writing.

Everything seemed quiet now.

"So?"

Merlin shook his head and sat up, looking at Will, who had uncapped the liter and was looking as if he were ready to chug if given the command. Merlin grinned.

"I don't have anything else to do," Merlin said with a shrug, and Will grinned back, taking a few gulps of the bottle before cursing and sputtering. Merlin laughed, almost falling off the couch at Will's face.

"Straight," Will choked out. "No chaser."

Merlin laughed and heaved himself off the couch. "I see that. Now, go call Gwen. I'm off to the showers."

<3<3<3


By 11:45, Will and Merlin were hurtling towards drunk on a train to town. Lance and Gwen were much more sober but having more than enough fun watching Will and Merlin make fools of themselves. They were headed towards Camelot because Lance could get them free drinks, and even Merlin's fear of running into the handkerchief man, which was silly because he hadn't ever met the man, and even though Merlin was convinced he would know him when he saw him, it didn't stop them from going to Camelot because Merlin's book advance wasn't going to last them forever. And if the book didn't sell, then they were back at poor again.

Merlin desperately hated being poor.

"I hate being poor," Merlin said to Will, who was gulping at the whiskey.

"Agreed," Gwen said from across from them, where Lance had his arm around her. Will nodded and passed them the whiskey.

"But we won't always be poor," Lance said as he took the flask and swallowed a few shots.

"Cheers!" Gwen said when she took the flask from them and gulped greedily.

Merlin supposed that they probably wouldn't be because they were young and had a long stretch of destiny before them. That was what he kept telling Kilgharrah, who kept going on and on about lost destinies and misguided youths. He had taken to leaving hairballs in very inconvenient places and trying to murder Will at every opportunity, which although was very amusing for Merlin, was starting to drive Will to paranoia.

The empty flask was stuffed in Gwen's boot as they trudged up the stairs from the station and into the bright lights of inner London. The air was cooler, and more often than not, it was raining during the day, leaving the nights to plunge into more chilly temperatures and force club-goers to part with their money for the sake of coat checks. Every single time winter rolled around, Will tried to convince Merlin that if they got drunk enough, they would be warm enough not to bring coats. And every winter, Merlin believed him and got pneumonia. Tonight, Merlin was smart enough to wear his peacoat, letting the whiskey and the warm wool protect him from the coming winter weather.

Not only did all the more beautiful queers look at them as they walked into the club because they were with Lance, but they got to skip the line, even though Edwin wasn't working. Merlin vowed, there and then, never to go out without Lance ever again. Five guys offered to buy him drinks, none of them fugly, before they even got to the bar. Merlin decided that he was going to have to put aside some money to buy Lance a brilliant Christmas present because the odds were in favor of him taking home someone he wouldn't be ashamed of in the morning. It was a novel idea, but one that Merlin had yet to experience because even though he wasn't exactly ugly, he was unfortunate-looking and had a nasty habit of taking home ugly blokes. Will had said that there would be really fit, rather handsome blokes practically begging to take Merlin home, and Merlin would still be obvious to anyone but ugly blokes.

The first three rounds of shots did not go down smoothly, but Merlin didn't care because there was glitter everywhere and smiling, attractive men waiting to pull him in to the dance floor. It was a great night full of Lady Gaga, Rihanna, and enough David Bowie for Merlin to have flashbacks to Labyrinth and ungodly amounts of eyeliner. They took another round and wandered to the dance floor. Merlin let the nearest half-clothed, attractive man pull him in, and he closed his eyes and listened to the steady beat of the gay nightlife.

"Are you having a good time?" Gwen shouted in his ear, after what felt like minutes later.

Merlin smiled at her, as she was trying to dance with Lance, who was a terrible dancer but made up for it by looking beautiful underneath the myriad of lights on the dance floor. Merlin found himself dancing next to someone who looked like he might play a lot of rugby and who was wearing high heels. He was attractive though.

"Do you want us to wait for you?"

Merlin frowned and looked around, only to notice the crowd thinning out and the lights by the bar going up.

"What time is it?" Merlin asked.

"Almost five."

Merlin shook his head. "I'm going to go to the loo, I'll meet you outside."

"All right," Gwen said with a smile as she tugged Lance away from the dance floor and over to the bar. Merlin scanned the crowd for Will but didn't find him. Merlin shrugged off the rugby player and waded through the crowd, many of whom were exchanging numbers or getting off in what was left of the dark corners of the club. Merlin made his way to the bathroom, pushing past several couples who couldn't wait until they got home to conclude their business.

It was only when he was already mid-pee that he realized where he was. The familiar wall art made him smile, but the place held a sort of magical energy that Merlin couldn't seem to ignore when he was this drunk. He ran his hand along the wall and tucked himself in with his other. It seemed so long ago that he was here, high out of his mind and thinking that sticking his dick in a hole was going to be a good time. And it was a good time. His magic had connected with the handkerchief man in a way that he had never felt before, and it was nice and strange and new, because sometimes it felt like his magic wasn't really a part of him or was only a part of him when Merlin wanted it to be. But that wasn't true; his magic was always there, and it always had been there, throbbing beneath the surface and waiting to be discovered. And maybe, maybe that was his destiny.

Merlin turned around, ready to open the stall door and go home when the door banged open to reveal Arthur Pendragon, eyes wild and hands up as if Merlin was a startled animal that Arthur was trying to calm.

"I don't love you."

Merlin gaped.

"I don't love you, but I didn't get on my knees every night and wait for you because it was good for my health," Arthur said as he walked into the stall. Merlin stuttered, trying to wrap his mind around Prince Arthur in the bathroom of Camelot. "Because believe me, I saw a lot of cocks that weren't yours, and it was more than my fair share."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I was on the other side of that stall because I have never felt like that with anyone before," Arthur continued, as if Merlin had never spoken. Merlin's mind was slowly catching up to the situation, and he felt the prickly heat of anger wind up his spine.

"Don't play with me, Arthur! Don't throw my own weakness back in my face," Merlin said and tried to push his way past Arthur, only to get pushed back against the side of the stall, with Arthur's hand splayed in the middle of his chest, pinning to him to the cool metal.

"And then I met you at the dinner, and you were such a prick."

"What the hell are you talking about," Merlin sputtered. "And I wasn't a prick!"

"I've been trying to tell you," Arthur said, with a tenderness to his voice that would bring Merlin to his knees if he let it. Merlin watched, eyes wide as Arthur ran a shaky hand through his hair. Merlin blinked, taking in his unbuttoned shirt and his soft khaki trousers with soiled knees. He also noted the blue piece of cloth hanging out of breast pocket, a familiar dragon embroidered on the corner.

"What--"

Arthur shook his head and moved his hands to cup Merlin's face. Merlin tried not to lean into his touch, but it was so hard when Arthur was so close, baby blues so honest and open that it made Merlin's heart physically ache.

"Merlin, I've been trying to tell you that it's been me this whole time," Arthur said, a blush high of his cheeks. "And I didn't know, not when I met you at the dinner or when you saved my life. But when--"

"When I showed you the handkerchief," Merlin said in awe.

"God, I know it sounds crazy, but I was so jealous of myself, does that make any sense? I was so jealous of what this anonymous me had with you, and for some reason, I couldn't seem to reach out to you in person, and it made me so angry," Arthur finished in a whisper, but Merlin was still dazed, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together. It didn't help that Arthur's thumb was rubbing at Merlin's cheek like he missed him, and it was making Merlin's head spin.

"But, but how?"

Arthur laughed, shaking his head. "I don't know. I have no idea, but I never, you were never," Arthur stopped and took a deep breath. "I don't love you, Merlin. But I could. I could love you if you let me."

Merlin blinked.

"That's your line?"

Arthur frowned. "What?"

"That's your romantic, 'had me at hello', climactic line to win me back?"

Merlin watched Arthur's face as it scrunched up, a hint of embarrassment there before it smoothed out. His eyes were bright and hopeful, and the line of his mouth was set. Why anyone would want to teach Arthur, beautifully expressive and open Arthur, to be stoic and blank was beyond Merlin. The royal family was definitely missing something.

"Yes," Arthur said, his finger running over the curve of Merlin's lower lip. "That's my romantic line to win you back."

Merlin closed his eyes and thought about walking away. He thought about the look on Arthur's face, shocked and hurt and angry, if he just pulled Arthur's soft, lovely hands away from his face and left Arthur behind, standing in a loo. He thought about rejecting Arthur and inflicting all the pain that Merlin had gone through in the last month back on Arthur. Arthur, who was obviously not just gay for Merlin, but plainly rainbow-and-unicorns gay. Arthur, who refused to eat the wax on brie and clicked through the channels too fast to actually comprehend what was on each station. He was someone who broke a million hearts a day with a trained smile and broke probably dozens of more in the privacy of his own home, if what Leon had said was true. He was the same man who gave him a handkerchief after blowing him in a loo and who didn't know how to translate that anonymous intimacy into the time they spent holding hands and talking about their childhoods. He was Arthur, who played with Merlin's ears when they lay in bed and always had cold feet, and who kissed Merlin as if he were Arthur's first kiss, sweet and chaste and his last kiss, passionate and desperate for moremoremore.

Merlin thought about walking away from Arthur, who was asking for a chance to love him.

"Well," Merlin said, a small grin working its way onto his face as he opened his eyes. "It's kind of a shit line."

Arthur smiled, and Merlin couldn't help but smile too: it was too infectious when Arthur's lips curved in an open smile that was so unlike the ones he gave to the papers. It was intimate in a way that brought Merlin back to the moments he spent at the glory hole, fingers sliding into a mouth that craved intimacy. And now, now it seemed so clear. His magic seemed to be doing a happy dance in his stomach, and Merlin could tell by the way the stall was lit up that his skin was glowing again. Merlin tugged on Arthur's belt loops until he came closer, pressing Merlin up against the stall wall. Arthur didn't seem to find the glowing odd or alarming, and that fact made Merlin glow brighter.

"Doesn't make it less true," Arthur murmured. Merlin nodded, grin widening on his face until he knew it was goofy and making his ears protrude from his head. Arthur stared at his mouth before moving back up to Merlin's eyes. Merlin wanted to kiss him, wanted to just melt the rest of the world away and be with Arthur, but it was obvious that Arthur wasn't done.

"Merlin," Arthur started, and then shook his head. "About what Leon said..."

Merlin shook his head and wrapped an arm around Arthur, holding him steadfast to his body. "Was it true?"

"About you being just a twink?"

"No, about you paying me hush money. About not being able to give me what I want."

Arthur sighed. "Merlin, whoever thinks that you could be silenced with money obviously has never met you," Arthur said, his hand pressing into Merlin's jaw until Merlin opened his mouth. "Or met Will, because I doubt he'd keep his mouth shut if I offered you a bribe to keep quiet."

Merlin nodded, a rueful smile on his face. Will would come up in a conversation like this. Of course he would.

"And it's going to be hard for a while because keeping secrets like you isn't something I want to do," Arthur said carefully. "But when we go public, it's going to be ugly for a while. It's going to be hard for you and your family and us. But I'm not afraid of that anymore."

"Were there others?" It didn't matter. Not really. But Arthur was talking and Merlin was curious.

"Other glory hole incidents, or other lovers?"

Merlin didn't miss the flush that was working down Arthur's neck and causing the tips of his ears to flame. Merlin hadn't noticed that before.

"Both," Merlin said.

"Yes," Arthur said quietly. "There were others, but none after you. And before, I was young and stupid and very, very scared."

God, Merlin couldn't imagine. And maybe that was where his fault was rooted, in the idea that he could image what Arthur must have felt like growing up as the Prince of Albion, under his father's shadow, thinking it was his duty to find a nice girl and settle down. Arthur's life was so different from his, and the troubles that Arthur had as a growing gay man were Merlin's troubles, but twisted and magnified for everyone to see. Merlin couldn't imagine, and he was in no place to judge. Absolutely none.

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said," Merlin started again, letting his free hand wind up Arthur's chest, playing with the handkerchief before sliding it the rest of the way up and wrapping it around the nape of Arthur's neck. "I said, okay."

When they kissed, it wasn't earth-shattering; the sky didn't fall, and the heavens didn't open up. Hell, Merlin's magic even behaved. It wasn't their first kiss or even the best kiss that they had shared, but it was the kiss that Merlin would remember when he told the whole epic story to their friends and family, about how Arthur had burst into the loo of Camelot, professed his potential love, and took a chance on Merlin, a gay erotica writer with magic.

It was the story that Merlin told when the interviewers asked him the first moment he knew he loved Arthur, much to Arthur's chagrin, because the press had a field day with 'Camelot' and 'Arthur' and 'Merlin'. Everyone called it destiny, from Kilgharrah to Hunith to a grumbling but pleased Gaius. And even though the story was ugly because it was in a dirty loo and had led to a crystal queen overhearing it and selling it to the local tabloids for fifty thousand pounds and completely blowing up the press, even though it wasn't the picture perfect story that Gaius and Uther would have wanted to pitch to the press, as to avoid shaming the royal family for all eternity and completely embarrassing Arthur--it didn't stop Merlin from telling the story.

As he mother always said: the truth would do it, almost every time.

<3<3<3


Merlin keened.

"You've got to be quiet," Arthur whispered, pulling away from Merlin's hole with spit-slick lips. Merlin groaned, loud and unashamed at the sight of Arthur's swollen lips, spit smeared in such a pornographic manner that Merlin wanted nothing more than to take a picture to wank to when Arthur was off doing princely things. "The security detail is going to think someone is dying in here, and I assure you that them busting in here while we are having sex is not as exciting as it sounds."

"I don't give a fuck," Merlin cursed, hand curling in Arthur's hair and pushing him back down between his legs until Arthur huffed, his breath blowing against Merlin's swollen but greedy hole. "You should have thought about that before you put your tongue up my ass."

Arthur made his own desperate sound against Merlin's thigh. "God, Merlin. You can't say that."

"Arthur, if you don't put your tongue back up my hole right now, I will make you."

Arthur gaped at him, and Merlin pulled tight on Arthur's hair until he whined and bent back down to blow a hot gust of air over Merlin's puckered hole. Merlin groaned, thrusting his arse in the general direction of Arthur's mouth, and waited for more of that wet heat. His cock was so hard he felt like he was going to burst, because it always was when Arthur was naked, or half-naked, or fully clothed and eating dinner with the queens and kings. Arthur made him hard all the damn time because he was a bloody tease.

"Please, Arthur."

That did the trick. Arthur moaned, his carefully manicured nails biting into the soft skin of Merlin's inner thighs as Arthur literally dived in to devour Merlin's hole, mouth wet, hot, and hungry. Merlin couldn't help the tiny scream that erupted from him, or the way his legs clamped down on Arthur's head as he thrust back onto Arthur's tongue. He was probably strangling him, but Merlin was beyond caring as Arthur twisted his tongue until he could fuck Merlin with it, sliding a long index finger to press hard against the spot inside him that made Merlin wild with pleasure.

"Oh fuck, Arthur," Merlin moaned, his thighs twisting around Arthur's head and his hips fucking back onto Arthur's tongue and finger, desperate for more. Merlin always felt like that, desperate for more of Arthur: more of his fingers, more of his cock, more of his love, more of everything Arthur had to give. "More, Arthur. Please, God--fuck!"

Arthur stuffed another finger up along his second one and pulled his tongue out, his breath coming in pants as he looked up at Merlin. His eyes were blown almost black with arousal, and Merlin could hardly breathe from wanting him so badly.

"You are such a noisy lay," Arthur said as he pumped two thick fingers up into Merlin. Merlin tried to glare, but it only came out as a few huffed laughs and a needy twist of his spine.

"Fuck me already, would you?"

But Arthur was already sliding on a condom and rearranging Merlin's legs however he wanted them, because he was bossy and a control freak and fuckfuckfuckfuck--

"Arthur," Merlin moaned, just as Arthur bottomed out, his head bent low enough to press a chaste kiss to Merlin's chest. But Merlin wasn't feeling particularly chaste; he was feeling like being fucked wide open with Arthur's cock until they both came their brains out.

"Fuck me," he said as he squeezed his hole around Arthur's thick cock, causing Arthur to thrash his head back in a rare moment of complete unraveling. "Please, fuck me."

The first twist of Arthur's hips was slow and so not enough that Merlin keened, his back arching and his knees scrambling up and down Arthur's body until he could dig in his heels and make Arthur move.

"Such a bossy bottom," Arthur gritted out, his hips thrusting as slowly as possible with Merlin's legs urging him forwards. "Just shut up and let me--"

Arthur shifted slightly and slid home, dragging the heat of his cock over Merlin's prostate and making Merlin scream.

"More, fuck, Arthur, more, please, faster," Merlin babbled, and Arthur cursed.

"Shut up," Arthur spat, his hips slamming against Merlin and sending Merlin spiraling, his orgasm building heavy in the base of his spine and corkscrewing up his lungs. Merlin scraped his fingernails down Arthur's back, causing Arthur to curse and his hips to stutter, only to return with harder, more localized thrusts. "Just shut up."

Merlin opened his eyes, Arthur's flushed and sweaty face hanging over him. He could feel himself glowing, the force of his driving orgasm and his magic vibrating through him with every thrust Arthur made into him.

"Make me," Merlin snarled, before surging up and catching Arthur's lips with his teeth. Their mouths messed together as Merlin lost it, his orgasm spilling between them in long streaks from his cock as Arthur let go, thrusting wildly and without rhythm until they were both coming--Merlin, with his mouth shouting into Arthur's, and Arthur with his hands pressing bruises into Merlin's hips and his teeth clamping down on Merlin's bottom lip until it bled.

Arthur tried to roll off of him, but Merlin kept his arms hooked around Arthur's neck.

"Don't go yet," Merlin mumbled.

Arthur scoffed. "I'm crushing you and we're disgusting."

"But I like it."

Arthur grumbled again but didn't move; instead he pressed kisses along Merlin's split lip and rubbed at the fingerprint bruises blooming on Merlin's bony hipbones. Merlin practically purred into the touch.

"So," Arthur said, after they had shifted apart to dispose of the condom before sliding back together and tangling their still-sweaty limbs together. "I think we're going to be late to the dinner."

Merlin laughed, his hands threading through Arthur's hair lying across his chest. "You think?"

Arthur grumbled. "It was your fault! You know what it does to me when you wear suspenders."

"I'll be sure to let Gaius know the reason why we were late for a dinner with half of Norway was due to your inability to keep your tongue out of my ass when I wear suspenders," Merlin said with laughter evident in his voice.

"Don't mention Gaius when I'm naked."

"Too late."

Merlin continued to card his hands through Arthur's hair, listening to the way their heartbeats slowed into a steady and tandem rhythm.

"Had lunch with Gwen today," Merlin said idly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, Gwen and Lance have set a date."

"Good," Arthur said sleepily. "It's about time."

"My mother wants us to host the rehearsal dinner."

"Whatever she wants."

"Arthur," Merlin said sternly. "You can't say that to my mother. She'll have the entire UK under her control before you can say Queen Hunith."

Arthur chuckled and shifted until their hands were pressed together. It was sappy and adorable, and Merlin just wanted to die with happiness.

"Anything else?"

Merlin grinned evilly. "Will and Morgana slept together again."

"God! Why in the name of all that is holy, seriously, why do you ruin my post-coital moment with you by mentioning Will and my sister?" Arthur sputtered and tried to bury his head in Merlin's belly.

"Because your reaction is so adorable," Merlin said back. "Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure she still hates him."

"Thank god."

Intimate silence fell over them, and Merlin took a deep breath, watching Arthur's head rise and fall on his body. It was so good to see him there, because the road behind them was rocky and unsure but he was so glad they made it. Beyond glad.

"Do you think we broke anything this time?"

Arthur lifted his head. "We?"

"Yes we, last time I checked you just had sex with me and I didn't do it alone."

Arthur scoffed, his face scrunched up in irritation. "You did screech again, like a girl."

Merlin thumped him on the top of his head before pulling him up for a kiss. Another memorable kiss out of the thousands that they had shared, and it wasn't anything less than amazing as the first one or any of the other ones after that.

"I hope it wasn't the vase from the Queen," Merlin said when they pulled apart. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Me too."

"But you'd still love me even if I accidentally shattered something more valuable than my mother's entire house, right?"

Arthur laughed. "Yes, but only if it's while you're shagging me."

"Mmkay," Merlin said. They kissed again, languid and happy, until Gaius called and told them to hurry up.

“God, he's worse than Kilgharrah.”

Arthur scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “I still can't believe I let you keep that blasted thing.”

“I'd like to see you get rid of him,” Merlin said with his own raised brow. “He's a magical cat.”

“I don't care what he is, if he stops us from shagging again, I'll make him live with Gaius.”

Merlin laughed, remembering earlier that morning when Arthur and Merlin were making out in the kitchen, lazy and perfect, getting ready to move to the bedroom or at least a flat surface when Kilgharrah had appeared with a dead mouse. If that hadn't put them both off shagging, it was Kilgharrah's desire to talk about the recent oil spill and Morgana's plans to get a bikini wax. It was obvious that Kilgharrah's destiny was driving both Merlin and Arthur to an early grave.

"Ready?" Arthur said with hopeful eyes, as if Merlin would suddenly change his mind at any moment and say no, and walk right out of his life. Merlin smiled, lacing their fingers together and tugging until they were both sitting up.

"Always."

Finished



Thank you so much for reading! Please leave comments for me and my artist because this was a labor of love for both of us. Thank you all dearly!
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Date: 2010-09-07 05:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prfctdaze.livejournal.com
Hot and tender and comedic and emotional all rolled up into one terrific fic. This wasn't anything like I thought it would be. I really thought it would be crack!fic and I'm honestly not sure exactly what constitutes a full-fledged crack!fic; I just know any I've read with that designation haven't necessarily been my cup of tea. But I adore this!

It was so much fun and also kind of heartbreaking at times, and it made me smile and feel warm inside. I love your Merlin and Arthur. And the supporting characters - particularly Will. And how could I forget Kilgharrah? Awesome work! Totally worth getting to bed extremely late tonight. I just couldn't stop reading :D

Date: 2010-09-13 07:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm glad it surprised you because I didn't want anyone to expect something crazy deep or something that was more serious and then be disappointed when there was crazy elements of crack and glory holes. You know, I don't know what constitutes as a full-fledged crack!fic either but there is certainly crack-comedy in here and that's why I warned for it.

I'm glad you enjoyed the emotional roller coaster. It was the hardest part of romantic comedy it hitting all thought points of emotion. Will and Kilgharrah were certainly my favorite to work with so I'm glad that they were enjoyable. ; )

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

Date: 2010-09-07 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] giecast.livejournal.com
May I just say that your summary is misleading. This is more than just glory hole romcom omg! It's funny and sad and tender and sweet and just really brilliant. Will and Kilgharrah are awesome (well everyone is awesome, but I think they're the awesomest). And I love the slow and tender development of Arthur and Merlin's relationship. And love the ending!

Date: 2010-09-13 08:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
A lot of people have been saying that but I think romantic-comedy is really a complex genre because it hits so many emotions than range from comedic to drama to romance and as many bumps in between. I'm glad you enjoyed Will and Kilgharrah because they were so fun to write and to translate into modern day characters. I must say that I adore fanon!Will so much.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my story and thank you for leaving feedback. ; )

Date: 2010-09-08 02:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marguerite-26.livejournal.com
I was so surprised by this fic. From the summary I thought *meep* 51k of smut, which is a bit much, even for me. LOL. But you delivered a really brilliant fic. Merlin was so engaging, I adored his POV and his character just kept me reading and reading. You manages to take the premise of a PWP and give it backbone, make me care about these characters and see passed the smut. The porn is titillating - don't get me wrong, the b/js were brain meltingly hot - but Merlin’s magic was brilliant and fascinating and his writing woes are both painful and hilarious and maybe a bit too close to home. LOL. And Arthur was just prefect. The charming prat that is never great with words when it's about intimacy. I adored this fic.

Also - recced it here, if you are interested.
http://marguerite-26.livejournal.com/432291.html

Date: 2010-09-13 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
51K of smut would be a lot! Yeah, I totally understand but it is a rom-com in every element. I wasn't joking about that. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. Merlin's character was so fun to manipulate and be inside during the story. I thought about switching POVs but I just couldn't get out of Merlin's head space.

You manages to take the premise of a PWP and give it backbone: Thank you. I think this is because I do mostly write smut with little plot and so it was a good start for me to start somewhere familiar and then build around it.

I'm so glad you enjoyed the character growth in this fic because i wanted to make ti as real as possible.

Thank you for reccing it!! That made me squee with joy. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, it means a ton.

Date: 2010-09-08 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] scabbyfish.livejournal.com
Oh man, this was funny and touching and fabulous in equal parts! I love what you did with the characters here - and also that Merlin's magic was incorporated in a significant way, so awesome to see in a modern AU.

Date: 2010-09-13 08:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed everything because it was so fun to write and to invent or translate the characters from canon to AU!

Thanks for reading and commenting!
From: [identity profile] samsamtastic.livejournal.com
Rather than comment on each part here are whole bunch of notes I’ve saved up as I‘ve re-read things again and am posting them here rather than the master post to save anybody from spoilers:

I think your change in Merlin's writer's block cures and panic modes made so much difference. I can't remember if I said that after you first made the switch but they're hilarious and epic and I think it adds the weird facet to Merlin's personality that wasn't there before. He was always dorky and adorable and pornographic, but never weird and that really helped.

And I don't think I ever mentioned how much I love that you made Morgause into a sniveling self-help writer.

One of my favorite lines in the story is “Stop saying tingly!”

Merlin’s floundering is utterly adorable when the blue handkerchief is pulled through the hole and he tries to get it back, not knowing it’s the guy. I’m going to talk a lot about Merlin’s personality and in my notes I think <3 Cause it’s wonderfully done.

MERLINS EPIC MAGIC SCENE IS FANTASTIC. I love how you work everything in so that it’s so flowy and natural, and ending it with a tree - wonderful! It really captures how his power is pulled from the earth and is a part of him as much as he is a part of it.

The argument between Arthur and Merlin is beyond hilarious. I know it’s supposed to be all angry and serious or whatever but I can’t help but laugh at how petulant Merlin gets and how quickly he does so. The bit about the champagne at the end - perfect!

Your description in the frozen time sequence is lovely. It paints just this epic picture of Merlin trying so hard to do the right thing and not knowing if he can because he can’t really completely control the magic inside of him.

I don’t really have many notes for anything during part 4 except because I sort of forgot what I was doing and devoured it <33

AND I HAVE TO STOP HERE TO CUT IT IN HALF BECAUSE MY COMMENT WAS TOO LONG FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
OMG. SAAAAAAAAAMMMM

Merlin's writer's block cures: MUHAHA. No, I really liked when you said that in the first draft and I wanted to make sure that I appealed to that sense of silliness and desperation. That's all you baby!! He isn't really weird, i think you're totally right. There's just SOMETHING about him! ; )

STOP SAYING TINGLY. I kind of want an icon that says that. Lol.

Merlin's personality and the flailing: I was worried that it was too much but I think his dialogue is such a cue for him.

Argument: I think it is supposed to be angry and intense but there is a comedic element in how much they are BOYS. You know? Just like in the series. I wanted to translate that too.

OMG. YOU'RE SO HOT I JUST WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU.
From: [identity profile] samsamtastic.livejournal.com
THE PART WHEN MERLIN COMES BACK FROM THE CLUB AND ARTHUR IS BROKENLY JUST SITTING THERE MAKES ME TEAR UP EVERY SINGLE TIME I READ THIS. IT’S SO BEAUTIFULLY DONE. HIS VULNERABILITY AND DESIRE. LOVELOVELOVE IT. The development of their relationship after that is wonderful and literally magical and all destiny-filled. I love how easy you made them slot together, but without it being too convenient.

"I guess it could have been worse," Gwen said, after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah, you could have been his baby mama."

Merlin laughed, his voice brittle, but his smile real. "Thank fuck that's not my destiny."
I LOVE YOU. I do cry every time I read about him packing up and leaving.

Is it weird that I really, really want to read Merlin’s book? All the emotions he had in it… Ahhhh. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

And if him leaving makes me cry, them getting back together in the dingy bathroom makes me really really cry because Merlin’s finally figuring things out and Arthur is just so damn adorable in all his Princely confidence while still being completely and utterly lost without Merlin.

Sooooo pretty much, as you know, I’m in love with this. You created such a beautiful story arc that it is so easy to get lost in the reading, completely sucked in by the characters (lol sucked in). I was supposed to be writing an essay last night and I promised myself I would read only just the first part as a reward for getting the first paragraph done of my work and all of a sudden it was about 1 AM and I had read almost all of it through again.

Another thing I just realized that I’ve never pointed out, I love how you took the old cliché of ‘somebody over-hears something and runs away without hearing the rest of the conversation that would explain things’ and completely made it un-cliché in the most epic way. Merlin’s hurt isn’t just because of the snippet he hears, but because his worries are being actualized and that is what makes is so different from any other story with that twist. It’s the thing that gets him to admit his fears to himself, not what puts fear into him.

God. This was too much, wasn’t it? I’m such a weirdo. But really, I lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove the story so much and I’m so proud and choked up that you finished so wonderfully. LOOK AT ALL THE COMMENTS YOU GOT ON IT! EVERYBODY LOVES YOU. And so they should <3333

I’m going to stop talking now.
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
BROKEN ARTHUR IS MY FAVORITE SO I'M FUCKING EXCITED THAT YOU LIKED IT. I love exploring Arthur's vulnerability and how it would manifest because he's such a complicated character in that way. He has SO MANY FEELINGS but he just doesn't know how to express them. And I think that conflicts with Merlin, who does have a shit-ton of feelings and struggles with NOT expressing them. Or expressing them in a certain way.

Dialogue between Merlin and Gwen: GUH. I'M SO PROUD OF THAT AND THAT YOU'R MENTIONING THAT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY.

Merlin's book: Guh. Merlin's book is what I want to write. So many one day when I'm rich and famous. RIGHT? OKAY.

LOL SUCKED IN. Thank you. I couldn't have done it without your help, especially in the beginning because I was so timid about the premise and making it something real for the characters and the reader. Seriously, bb. You're wonderful.

MERLIN AND HIS FEELINGS. GUH. I JUST WNAT TO CUDDLE THEM.

It is NEVER too much. NEVER. I love you and thank you so much for leaving such a detailed commentary on something that is practically your baby too.

YOU'RE FABULOUS NEVER STOP.

Date: 2010-09-11 01:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mightypretty.livejournal.com
oh this was just the perfect mix of sweet and adorable and ngggh fucking hot! cracktastic Kilgharrah for the mofo win! such a great blend of writing hun, i loved this muchly!

Date: 2010-09-13 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I'm glad you enjoyed the unique blend of genres! Thanks for reading and commenting.

Date: 2010-09-12 08:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] loza346.livejournal.com
Oh I loved this! Thanks for distracting me from an afternoon of supposed to be studying :p
Is it weird that I really wish I could read Merlin's depressing book? It sounds intriguing.
Totally serious though, this is the first story I've read where a sizeable part of the plot involves gloryholes that has made me smile all misty-eyed at the screen.

Date: 2010-09-13 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
STUDYING? WHAT IS THIS THAT YOU SPEAK OF? FUCK COLLEGE.

I want to read Merlin's depressing book. i think it would be a lot like Andrew Holleran's Dancer from the Dance. So if you've never read that, DO IT.

I'm glad I made gloryholes and plot work for you. ; ) Thank you and thanks for commenting!

Date: 2010-09-13 01:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] undrsomestairs.livejournal.com
So, I just spent the last few hours reading this, and it was all so worth it. That was a truly delightful fic from start to finish. I loved Merlin's and Arthur's characters, and how they met, and how their relationship was, and the splash of angst that led to Arthur being all darling and romantic in a bathroom stall. And a perfect smutty ending to wrap it up just right. Nothing but love for this piece. <3

Date: 2010-09-13 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm happy you thought it all rolled into one big success because it was pretty touch and go at times! Thanks for reading and commenting, bb!

Date: 2010-09-14 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] accioscar.livejournal.com
AH-MAZE-ING!!!!!!

*ADDS TO RECS FOREVER AND EVER*

Date: 2010-09-15 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you!

&hearts

Date: 2010-09-14 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corilannam.livejournal.com
This was marvelous! Cracky, hot, and emotionally interesting all at the same time. I was hooked by the time I got to Kilgarrah the talking cat. Despite the overlay of comedic fantasy (or maybe because of the contrast), there was something wonderfully raw and real about Merlin and Arthur and the way their relationship unfolded. Love it!

Date: 2010-09-15 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I'm glad you liked all the different emotions this fic goes through because it was certainly hard to write. KILGARRAH, he was actually an addition that came to me when I hit like 25K. I'm not sure where he came from but I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for commenting!

Date: 2010-09-15 12:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] significantowl.livejournal.com
oh oh I loved this immensely. things I loved:

your pacing was awesome, I'd start reading and not be able to stop;

Morgana and Merlin's relationship, the significance of secrets between them, etc;

Arthur and Merlin being SO VERY VERY Arthur and Merlin;

THE CAT THE CAT THE DRAGON-CAT;

the vast amounts of tea being drunk (for serious, I had a craving Sunday afternoon and had to make myself extra, because you kept making me think about TEA);

OH AND MORGANA HAD A TIGER.

Thank you for sharing this with us - I'm sure this was a labor of love and I'm so glad you did it!

Date: 2010-09-15 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I'm glad it kept you interested because 51K is long! I was worried it was too long.

Relationships/characterization: Yay! I'm glad they worked for you. It's always interesting to see how characterization translates into AUs.

DRAGON-CAT. ; )

Tea: It's like this magical healing liquid that also acts as a plot device. Lol!

Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!

Date: 2010-09-15 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] okydoky.livejournal.com
Complete snd utter love for this fic. Majorly. ♥

Date: 2010-09-16 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it!

Missed Connections

Date: 2010-09-22 08:50 pm (UTC)
ext_41255: (*squee* - Flaco)
From: [identity profile] joan-waterhouse.livejournal.com
This story! Srsly, THIS STORY! *flails* It makes me feel all fuzzy and tingly and wonderful! <3

Re: Missed Connections

Date: 2010-09-24 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and made you feel TINGLY.

(Merlin is obviously frowning at your word choice. LOL>)

Date: 2010-09-23 09:57 am (UTC)
ext_55471: (Merlin/Arthur/Armour = OT3)
From: [identity profile] nahara.livejournal.com
This pretty much made me do an embarrassing fangirl dance involving: bouncing and clapping and this face --> :DDDDDD

I loved that you took a very porny idea and built up a story around it. Well done you! Man, I was sooooo looking forward to this, right from the moment you told me about your glory hole rom-com, because, HELLO, what not to love?! Also? Your title is inspired. I bow to you and your sexy brain. ♥
Edited Date: 2010-09-23 09:58 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-24 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THIS AND FANGIRL DANCE BECAUSE THIS IMAGE PLEASES ME.

I was so worried about writing something that wasn't porn because that's all I've been doing lately. So when this idea sort of morphed, I latched onto it and prayed that it would work. I'm so glad you liked it because IT PLEASED ME GREATLY.

Title: It's not mine to claim I'm afraid. I picked Missed Connections because of Craigslist's online things and it makes me laugh. The second part was all [livejournal.com profile] roflolmaomg's fault. As per usual. ; )

You're lovely. Thank you for commenting!

Date: 2010-09-25 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anie-chan.livejournal.com
Very cool story! *____*
I really enjoyed reading it.

Date: 2010-09-27 08:08 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-26 01:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] screamingchair.livejournal.com
Oh, to hell with lengthy reviews. Just let me thank you for this AMAZING PIECE OF ART.

P.S My mum laughed at me and impersonated me sitting before the screen reading your fic and grinning like a retard.

Date: 2010-09-27 08:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
LOL. I will take lengthy reviews and CAPSLOCKS because they both please me greatly.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. ; ) Thank you for reading and commenting!

Date: 2010-10-03 05:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] laocoons.livejournal.com
This was amaaaaazing. It's half past one and I've just finished and I need to be up at seven tomorrow and I was debating reading this tonight or reading something else tonight or only reading part of something tonight when I realized that Missed Connections was the one with the (Glory Glory Holelelujah) bit and I was like "omgomg I have to read this nowwww."

So of course I have to read the whole bloody thing (the only bad part about Big Bang is the fact that everything takes me at least two and a half hours to read completely! of course, that's also most of the good parts about it so whatever) and now it's one FORTY. Thanks. ;) I blame you and your supreme writing.

Date: 2010-10-03 05:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I would have hated if you stayed up well past your bedtime for a fic you didn't enjoy. That would have been dreadful.

Bigbang are so addictive. I know what you mean. It's like I NEED TO GO TO BED BUT OMG, THE SUMMARY IS SO ENTICING.

I blame you and your supreme writing.: It's only supreme because of my lovely betas, I assure you. I'm a mess of a writer. But I'm so happy you liked it. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, you're lovely.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] laocoons.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-10-04 02:40 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-10-04 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oofoetusoo.livejournal.com
I feel a bit raw and a whole lot incoherent right now. And I don’t know, I think maybe I partially hope this specific comment will lose itself in the midst of the 149 other comments, and maybe, just maybe you will ignore it because there is no way this will end up as anything other than embarrassing =)

I like to believe I understand the subtlety of the English language well enough to enjoy any sort of reading, but I sure as hell know that I can’t speak it half decently. I most certainly don’t master it with the skills necessary to a comment that would do your story and my feelings justice but, hey, I might as well try. It sure promises to be a frustrating experience.

I laughed, I cried, I cried while laughing and laughed while crying, you broke my heart and put back the pieces together too many times for me to keep track. Nevermind Camelot’s loo, the glory hole, all the glitter, Lady Gaga, the fantastic rainbow-colored crack, nevermind. That much awesomeness? Granted it was a lot but I managed. BUT YOUR CHARACTERS! I just couldn’t take it. Your portraying of friendship made me ache for the unsaid sense of belonging it conveyed. All your characters loved each other in so many different and beautiful ways, all of them. Even though, of course, the focus was on your earth-shattering love story between the gorgeous tragedy of the emotional wreck that is Arthur and Merlin (for whom I just have no words, my bad English fails me, he was that good), it feels like in the end it was also a bit about that GIGANTIC tender polygamous love story where a pod person-like Morgana holds Merlin’s hand looking like a Renaissance painting , Lance takes Merlin back to his house after a bittersweet night of cathartic dancing, Gaius leaves daily messages (that may or may not have been smarmy) on Merlin’s answering machine because he’s worried for Arthur, gosh EVEN HUNITH who’s never really there in person made me feel the love in your short mention of her during Merlin&Will’s little trip. Their dysfunctional family actually functioned so lovingly it hurt. In that really good, really special way.

Your description of the gay community as soulful jaded beings caught between their desperate want to still believe in love and the deadly narrow-minded and phony expectations of society moved me in a way I couldn’t explain. The way your Merlin perceives that, the way he fought his writer’s way through it made him look both so brave and so vulnerable... <3

You made me want to have friends like that, a cat like that, you made me want to fall in love with Will like that, you ripped my soul to shreds and I relished every minute of it not because I like pain (and even if I did that would be over sharing, Merlin knows all about that) but because it was a good, welcomed, artistic ripping, the kind you experience when you know you came across a piece of work that will make you think.

I could probably go on with nonsensical badly written English all week just to try and count you the ways how I loved this story, except that it has gotten to a point I judge already far too embarrassing (you were warned). Also I fear it has gotten a bit long volume wise, so much for staying unnoticed. Therefore I believe it is probably for the best if I shut up right now. Anyway I think you got my point.

You are quite awesome.
It goes without saying but feel free to ignore my awkward phrasing whenever you're wondering "WTH was she trying to say?" :D

Date: 2010-10-07 10:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
This comment is not embarrassing! It's FABULOUS.

This comment made me so happy. YES. I'm so glad the characters felt true for you and that you felt close to them because that was the ultimate goal.

I'm particularly glad you liked the descriptions and meditations on the gay community because, that is, ultimately what I was going for.

I WANT YOU TO FALL IN LOVE WITH WILL. I DO. HE'S MY FAVORITE.

Thank you so much for commenting, even when you're uncomfortable doing so. This was lovely. Thank you for reading!

Date: 2010-10-07 08:35 am (UTC)
vae: (Default)
From: [personal profile] vae
Oh, I love this, it's magnificent. Read it over two days between working because it's been a lot more intriguing than my work!

Date: 2010-10-07 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I'm also a fan of procrastination! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for taking the time to read and comment!

Date: 2010-10-07 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brunettepet.livejournal.com
I think there's a typo in this sentence: Will had said that there would be really fit, rather handsome blokes practically begging to take Merlin home, and Merlin would still be obvious to anyone but ugly blokes. - shouldn't that be oblivious?

Date: 2010-10-07 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
Thank you for pointing that out!

Date: 2010-10-07 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brunettepet.livejournal.com
I thoroughly enjoyed this. The idea that Arthur had been waiting for Merlin in that grotty bathroom for a month was both heart breaking and liberating. I loved how he calmed Merlin's fears, reassuring him that he knows Merlin wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut. It was just the right amount of a bit insulting and totally true and adding Will's inability to keep his nose out of Merlin's business, there's no way Merlin could find fault with the explanation.

Merlin finally realizing the most obvious thing ever here was stellar: God, Merlin couldn't imagine. And maybe that was where his fault was rooted, in the idea that he could image what Arthur must have felt like growing up as the Prince of Albion, under his father's shadow, thinking it was his duty to find a nice girl and settle down. Arthur's life was so different from his, and the troubles that Arthur had as a growing gay man were Merlin's troubles, but twisted and magnified for everyone to see. Merlin couldn't imagine, and he was in no place to judge. Absolutely none. How had Merlin not seen that before? Arthur's life is not his alone. It makes everything so much more complicated and explains the anonymous sex and Arthur's terrible loneliness. It took great courage to finally allow himself the chance at a real relationship.

I loved every bit of this, but this bit is one of my favorites: Merlin watched Arthur's face as it scrunched up, a hint of embarrassment there before it smoothed out. His eyes were bright and hopeful, and the line of his mouth was set. Why anyone would want to teach Arthur, beautifully expressive and open Arthur, to be stoic and blank was beyond Merlin. The royal family was definitely missing something. Arthur's practiced shutting himself off forever. It's no wonder he was unable to break through his own walls to pursue Merlin.

Getting outed by some random bathroom lurker was terrible, but it certainly sped up the process and now their story is out there for other gay men to marvel over.

The sex was always erotic, but that last happy encounter put a big smile on my face. These two are so hot for one another and delighted with each other and on edge and late for another public function because Merlin had the temerity to wear suspenders! There is just too much to love about that and the petting and the happy place they're in now. Out and in love and living their lives like everyone has the right to.

If it wasn't for the magical cat and Will shagging Morgana periodically, things would be perfect.

Thanks for the terrific read.

Date: 2010-10-07 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I've been reading your comments as you've been reading and I can't tell you how happy that's made me feel. I love all the feelings as you read it because I don't get to have those and I LOVE being able to read them stage by stage.

I wanted to show Arthur's dedication to Merlin and that's why I had it be a month. Also, I like to torture them.

Their confession scene: I'm so beyond pleased that this worked for you. Sometimes, my biggest pet peeve of a story is how the reunions are so fluffy when the characters clearly aren't. I wanted this to feel a bit more real.

Merlin: I think Merlin does tend to center himself on his own issues and sort of forgets that Arthur's a Prince and this scene really puts this in perspective for him.

Arthur's expressions: I'M SO GLAD YOU NOTICED THIS BECAUSE IT'S MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS ARTHUR.

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. Thank you for taking the time to read, AND THEN COMMENT ON EVERY ENTRY. SERIOUSLY. That's so wonderful. Thank you so much.

Date: 2010-10-14 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sighnomore.livejournal.com
aww that was so utterly adorable :D ...I was wondering though, were in Berlin Morgana would find a tiger. Well, probably the zoo XD

Date: 2010-10-16 12:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] archaeologist-d.livejournal.com
Loved it. I wasn't sure with the whole glory hole thing but this pulled me right in. Loved the misunderstandings and how Merlin was so devastated about thinking he was just one in a line of twinks. Wonderful!!!

Date: 2010-10-26 10:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I'm glad you took a chance on the glory-hole thing. It's not really my thing either but it sort of took me by storm. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it and thanks for commenting, bb!

Date: 2010-10-17 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] night-reveals.livejournal.com
I think I get the tiger now.

Great story. I appreciated the time you took to introduce Arthur and let us get to know your Merlin. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
<3

Date: 2010-10-26 10:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tourdefierce.livejournal.com
I did warn fo some crack... the tiger plays the crack line of the story. Plus, can't you see Morgana wanting a tiger? Well, I can.

I'm glad you liked the story. Thanks for commenting.
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